Blood, Sweat, and Tears
I’M BACK!!!!
To borrow words from one of the greatest rap lyricists of my generation, Rakim:
“It’s been a long time; I shouldn’t have left you
Without a strong blog to read through
Think of how many weak blogs you slept through
Time’s up, I’m sorry I kept you…
“I Know You Got Soul” – Eric B. & Rakim (the original lyrics have been modified)
So, it’s been 2 months since I’ve last written a blog and trust me when I tell you, I’ve been anxious to get back at it. I had to take a little sabbatical from blogging to address some important events in my life, and now that I have, I can return to you my dear readers (all 6 of you), and return to doing 3 of my favorite things in the world; writing, encouraging, and talking.
As I have recently finished grad school…thank you, thank you…I wanted my first post back to highlight this historical period of my life, so without further ado…today’s post.
You know I’ve heard the idiom, “Blood, Sweat, and Tears” throughout my life and understood the concept, and in fact, I used it several times, but I never really experienced the concept or lived it out until I started grad school.
The Collins Dictionary definition of this phrase is, “Great effort or suffering that is involved in a task or project”. I believe many people, including myself would argue this phrase is applicable to living or life itself, but while living or life is an ongoing project or task, I believe the phrase is referring to one specific task or project…which brings me back to grad school.
I started UMass Boston’s “Critical and Creative Thinking” graduate program in September of 2017, during the midst of my marriage falling apart. My husband and I were experiencing a “rough patch” to say it mildly, and my emotions were all over the place. Now, if I had been in my right state of mind, I probably would have foregone school until our marriage became less turbulent, but I had already committed to going and if anyone knows me, they know I try really hard to honor my commitments.
But let me pause and give you a little more content about why I even decided to attend grad school.
From elementary to high school, I struggled with reading comprehension and reading aloud. Though I loved to read, I struggled with pronunciation and content. Picture books, fairytales, and any other story-like book were my preference because I could easily follow along with what was happening, who it was happening to, and why it was happening. In contrast, any reading that didn’t have a story-like format and contained $25 vocabulary words was dull and uninteresting to me, which automatically caused my brain to shut down. To exacerbate my reading challenges, I had teachers throughout my entire adolescent academic career who care enough about me nor my reading problem. Instead, they displayed obvious signs of annoyance whenever I asked for help. As a result, I developed a reading complex and eventually a disdain for learning.
By 11th grade I was an angry, attitudish, misbehaved, and misguided teen, but my English teacher, Ms. Lambert saw my potential despite how hard I tried to hide it and took interest in me. She complimented and acknowledged my talents and gifts, addressed the hurts and struggles I shared with her, and helped me navigate through my weaknesses. By the time I graduated my attitude towards school changed and my reading skills drastically improved.
Okay, so from that experience and so many more that I don’t have time to share in this post, I decided I wanted to develop a holistic middle school curriculum, that includes multiple learning modalities, cultural proficiency, and life skills…but I had no idea how to do that so I looked for an educational institution that could assist me with this task and spiritual calling (YES, God has called me to write/design/implement this revolutionary curriculum I just described).
September 2017
So, school starts and while my body was present on the video call (it was an online program even before Rona hit the streets), I was mentally and emotionally absent. Furthermore, I was unprepared and had totally underestimated the amount of work these professors were going to throw at me. Yes, I knew this was grad school, so I anticipated the program to be intense, but Dang!!! Combine the stress from school, the stress from my failing marriage, and the stress from starting a new job, (which I obtained upon entering grad school) and you have me, a walking, talking pressure cooker, ready to blow.
At the very beginning of the semester, I tried to drop one of my two classes, not because it was boring but because the course load was in my opinion, REDUNCULOUS! – (No, that’s not a word but you should know by now, I create and coin my own phrases around here, but I digress.)
My professor gave me an incredible pep talk that encouraged me to stick it out, but by the end of the semester I was ready to quit the class again and school. I was behind in all my assignments and as I said before, my heart, mind, and soul were not in it. My professor scheduled a meeting to discuss my concerns with the class, and I literally had a breakdown. I shared all my woes, including my failing marriage. He sympathized with me and pardoned the assignments I had not submitted and gave me an extension on the final essay I was writing. I completed the essay and turned it in a week after it was initially due. Once the semester was over and grades were submitted, I checked my grade and saw a B…
I immediately started crying because I felt unworthy of such a generous grade, especially given the fact that I did not do all the assignments, but then I remembered, “favor isn’t fair.” I was extended unmerited grace and favor in a situation of my own causing (not turning in the assignments). I sat and let what happened sink in, and I promise you that same grace and favor followed me for the remaining 4 years of my grad school journey. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I skated through school without doing the work, I WORKED my butt off! I sacrificed sleep, time with my family and friends, and time for myself to complete assignments – the struggle was REAL. However, when things got too hectic and all the balls I was juggling begin to fall to the ground, Grace stepped in, Mercy stepped in, Favor stepped in and helped me do what I could not do on my own.
I don’t mean for this blog to sound like a church sermon, but I would be remiss if I didn’t give honor and credit where they’re due. ALL glory belongs to God.
May 2021
On May 10th, a week before my written thesis was due, I gave a 45-minute presentation to my classmates, professors, family and friends, and strangers on this 84-page idea I had developed over the course of 5 months. My idea was to create a theater skills-based workshop to facilitate the exploration of self-identity and foster self-esteem in young people, specifically middle school-aged youth between 12 and 14. I titled the workshop, “The 3 R’s of Self: The First 3 Steps to Finding One’s True Identity”. The workshop is a 3-part series, however, I realized 5 months wasn’t going to be enough time to develop a serial workshop, so I just created a curriculum for the first day of the first of the 3 R’s, which is Renew. (The other two R’s are Reclaim and Re-present).
BLOOD, SWEAT, and TEARS; great effort and suffering were put into finishing graduate school, but it was all worth it when I read these words on Wednesday, May 26, 2021, from the Assistant Director of the Critical and Creative Thinking Master’s program:
Tasha,
I’m confirming with you that you have completed all requirements of the CCT M.A. program and have fulfilled everything needed for graduation.
Oh, and about my marriage, well my husband and I didn’t reconcile and we’re currently in the process of a divorce, but it’s ALL GOOD and so am I, because God is good ALL THE TIME and ALL THE TIME God is good.
Until we speak again…Smooches
Mic drop…CUE MUSIC
Won’t He do it? I feel like saying won’t He will! Lol! Congrats! Very proud of you.
What a great read!
Congratulations, Blood, Sweat and Tears was just the beginning! Now comes the work of putting all you learned during those 4 years to Real work!
Happiness to your “New Beginnings”!