Return to Sender
“Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.”
Mary Schmich
Why do we feel like we have to be people’s trash receptacle? Let me phrase that question a different way just in case you didn’t understand what I was asking. Why do we feel it’s okay for people to blame us for their own shortcomings?
Well, today I am here to liberate you from that feeling or belief.
One of the most powerful things that God gave us is the power of choice, which means we can choose to NOT own someone else’s mess. Listen, I love people, I’m very personable…but as a person, I know that I, and you, and everyone else can sometimes dump our emotions on others because it’s convenient or safer to do. And oftentimes, the others I’m referring to are the closest people to us, like family and friends. Psychologists refer to this type of behavior as a defense mechanism called displacement.
Well, I’m going to defend my right to not accept or own anyone else’s junk, hence my title, “Return to Sender”.
Own Your Stuff
Now according to psychologists, displacement aka dumping our emotions on others is an unconscious action, it’s our mind’s way of “coping with stress or anxiety to restore emotional balance”. So in other words, we don’t know when we’re acting like a jerk. Okay, perhaps that’s true. But once our temper tantrum is over, I’m pretty sure the person or people we’ve offended will let us know how much our words or actions upset them. Even if it’s not right away if we continue to “displace” our emotions onto others, at some point enough will become enough for the recipient and he or she will speak out against this undeserved and unfair treatment. And once someone calls us out on our stuff, we become consciously aware of how we’ve been behaving. So, what does that mean? It means we can no longer hide behind the “I didn’t know” cloak. It means we have to take ownership of our stuff.
Look I get it, adulting is not always easy, in fact, it’s rarely easy. But it’s unfair for us to unleash our aggressions onto others because we don’t want to deal with our truths or confront issues that have been bullying us since childhood.
It’s Not Your Stuff
Just like there are people who will call us out for mistreating them, there are also people who won’t call us out, they’ll just continue to be our punching bag, and will eventually start to believe they’re the one with the problem instead of us; these are the people that I wrote this post for. So, if you’re in this latter group, hear me when I tell you, it’s not you, it’s them…SEND IT BACK.
Oftentimes we get dumped on so much by friends and family that we stop questioning what we did wrong and just accept the things people say and do as common practice, “Oh that’s just how he or she is, they don’t mean it”, we say to ourselves. We may even follow up that excuse with a rationalization of why we deserved to be treated unkindly.
RATIONALIZATION
“Perhaps, I shouldn’t have laughed so loud on the phone while Steve was working in the other room. I broke his concentration.”
POSSIBLE TRUTH
Steve was already feeling stressed from the amount of work piling up at the office and frustrated that he was beginning to fall behind.
RATIONALIZATION
“Perhaps I shouldn’t have bought Dina that candy bar, she hates when caramel gets stuck in between her teeth.”
POSSIBLE TRUTH
Dina used to have jacked-up teeth and was constantly bullied. After wearing braces for 6 years and extensive procedures, she’s scared of anything messing up her perfect smile.
RATIONALIZATION
“Perhaps I should have paid closer attention to how Nancy loads the dishwasher, then she wouldn’t have gotten upset when I put the plates on the top rack instead of the bottom rack.”
POSSIBLE TRUTH
Nancy’s mother was very anal and controlling and constantly scolded her for not putting things in their proper place.
Do any of these examples sound familiar? Again, I’m speaking specifically to my second group of people who often receive the dumping. These examples may seem a bit extreme and may have never happened to you, but even if you haven’t experienced one or more of these scenarios, I hope you’re able to recognize the compliant and subjugated role you may be playing in a relationship, whether it’s with a spouse, friend, co-worker/boss, or family member. And from the possible truths I’ve created (I know, they’re a bit out there, but very possible), I hope you realize you’re not the source of people’s unhappiness, you’re just conveniently around when they need to unload.
As I said before we all have the power of choice. After reading this, I hope you choose to no longer accept what’s not yours to keep. Return it ALL back to its sender.
Until we speak again…smooches 
Think on This: Are you guilty of dumping your emotions on others? Or are you constantly being dumped on? What are you going to do differently to change or stop this from happening?
Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this article and also the rest of the website is very good. Hailee Herold Showker
Hi Hailee. Thanks for stopping by, I’m glad that you enjoyed the blog. Keep stopping by to read more. I love company.
Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article! Fayth Boy Woodford
Thank you so much for reading my post Fayth. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I usually post something every Sunday, so check back in this Sunday for a new post.