What About Your Friends: Are They Stressors or Blessors?
“We never lose friends we simply learn who the real ones are.”
-Author Unknown
My grandmother used to tell me, “Everyone who smiles in your face is not your friend”. Now as a child and budding teenager, I didn’t understand what she meant, but as I continued to live and experience people, I began to understand. What I’m about to say may sound cynical or even paranoid, but like I previously said, I have experienced people on every level, so I can say with great confidence, not everyone who smiles in your face is your friend.
Friends are supposed to complement your life just like accessories complement your outfit. However, if your friends seem to stress you more than bless you, there’s a problem. I believe friendships should have four essential things; love, trust, accountability, and communication. We could add some additional attributes to this list, but I think these four provide a firm foundation not just in friendships, but in any relationship.
With that said, to help you avoid some of the drama I experienced over my years of living, I have created a list of friend-types who either stress your life or bless your life. After reading this list, I suggest you take inventory and decide which friends you may want to avoid, cut loose, or stock up on.
Disclaimer:
It should be common knowledge that people, including me and you, have bad days from time to time and may do or say some things that can be hurtful, rude, and simply out of character. However, The negative attributes or negative friend-types I’ve listed below as “stressors” act this way consistently, not just on a bad day. So again, I suggest you take inventory of your friends if this is their daily behavior pattern and personality.
STRESSORS
"Thirsty Friend"
Thirsty friends can never have their thirst quenched or satisfied. No matter what you do for them, it’s never enough. They constantly have a sob story about why they need your assistance and consistently ask for favors, money, things to borrow, etc. etc. In short, thirsty friends are extremely needy and take more from you then what they give.
"Remember When Friend"
Remember When friends love reminding you of your past; when they’re around your past mistakes, failures, and losses are constantly on repeat. This type of friend is a subtle shade thrower. Whenever they take a trip with you down memory lane it’s in the guise of a joke, or comical nostalgia, and usually takes place when something good happens in your life or you’ve achieved some type of success. The truth is they want to play on your insecurities and resurrect shame and embarrassment. They’re never really happy for you or proud of your accomplishments, in fact, they’re the ones secretly hoping for your demise.
"Forget Me Not Friend"
Forget Me Not friends consistently remind you of what they did for you or are currently doing for you. They take great pleasure in holding things over your head, so you can feel as if you owe them something or are obligated to them. They will be the first ones to offer help if you need it, but it’s usually not a sincere gesture, just a way to gain additional points on their friend scoreboard. This type of friend has a need to feel important and wanted, they lack confidence in themselves and understanding about their self-worth, which motivates their actions.
"Boomerang Friend"
Boomerang Friends have a way of hijacking a conversation so that it always becomes about them. Whether you’re talking about something good, bad, or indifferent, Boomerang friends find a way to implant their experience into the conversation and become the topic of the discussion. They are similar to Forget Me Not friends when it comes to lacking confidence and understanding their self-worth, therefore they need the spotlight to always be on them.
"Leafy Friend"
Leafy Friends blow back and forth like leaves on a tree. They’re unstable when it comes to loyalty and easily change sides with whoever the majority goes along with, regardless if that decision is right or wrong. They’re also sometimey in their actions. One minute they love and support you and are at your beckoning call, the next minute they’re sporting a funky attitude or become MIA (Missing In Action). They won’t return your calls, check-in, or visit. When they do resurface their only explanation for being absent is “they were busy” or “they needed space”. Now, let me just say we all have the right to take a hiatus or unplug once in a while if we feel overwhelmed with life, work, etc. In fact, I will argue mental unplugging is a crucial element of self-care. However, I don’t agree with leaving your friends blowing in the wind questioning your whereabouts or concerned with your well-being. There are more mature ways to communicate you need a break.
"Mop and Shine Friend"
Mop & Shine Friends live vicariously through you. They only want to mop up your success so they can shine as well. They benefit from and take great pleasure in bragging about knowing you, especially if you’re a well-known individual or have prestigious credentials. It is their belief or hope, they’ll be perceived as a person of importance or envied if they’re your friend.
"Benefactor Friend"
Benefactor Friends are those individuals who remain connected to you so they can reap the benefits of all you are, all you do, and all you possess. These are the people who are always suggesting that you do lavish things but never have money to contribute or time to help. Benefactor friends are firm believers in the concept, “what’s yours is mine” because after all, friends take care of friends, right? Therefore, they make themselves available to accompany you anywhere, especially shopping with the hope they’ll get some goodies as well. They always offer false flattery about how great a friend you are, and how lucky they are to have you in their lives, but they almost always have a hidden agenda and if you’re not watchful, they will try to gain access to everything you have.
"Between You and Me Friend"
Between You and Me Friends are the spillers of tea. They’re always bringing you the latest gossip about strangers and mutual friends, no topic or person is off-limits to them. However, each time they tell you something they want you to keep it between you and them to avoid getting themselves caught up in any drama. As the old adage goes, if a dog brings you a bone he’ll carry one too – loose interpretation, if someone comes to you to gossip about others, they’ll gossip to others about you. So, be very cautious about engaging in hot topics with a Between You and Me friend.
BLESSORS
"Love Without Limits Friend"
A Love Without Limits Friend is just that, a friend who loves you without limits, pretense, judgment, or conditions. While they know you’re not perfect, they don’t hold your imperfections against you, they simply accept you for who you are. This type of friend may sound like a unicorn (rare and magical), but they do exist and can add the most value to your life. Hopefully, you already have one.
"Homey Don't Play Dat Friend"
Homey Don’t Play Dat Friends are no-nonsense, don’t take no stuff, tell-it-like-it-is friends who will fight with you, for you, and against you if necessary. They have your back, front, top, bottom, and both sides and will defend you against anyone, including family and other friends. While they are very loyal to you, they are quick to let you know when you’re acting stank or just being foolish. These friends are not “yes” women or “yes” men who tell you what you want to hear and co-sign your dysfunction, instead they challenge you to be better or do better
"How May I Help You Friend"
A How May I Help You Friend is always willing to lend a hand no matter what you need. They make themselves available to be the first present and the last to leave to ensure you have adequate assistance with anything big or small. Unlike Forget Me Not Friends, their gestures of help are always sincere because they want the very best for you.
"Can We Talk Friend"
Can We Talk Friends are very relatable and easy-going, which enables people to feel vulnerable enough to talk to them about almost anything. They’re often sought after for advice and counsel because of their experience, knowledge, and/or wisdom. They are discerning and great judges of character, and will always tell you the truth no matter how hard it may be to tell or to hear.
"You Got This Friend"
You Got This Friends are encouragers. Whenever you’re experiencing self-doubt or fear, they’re the ones who will remind you how talented, gifted, courageous, and purposed you are. They’ll also remind you of your past victories, and never let you forget the greatness you have within you.
"You Can Trust Me Friend"
You Can Trust Me Friends are extremely trustworthy, and can always be trusted to do the right thing when it pertains to you and your family. If you have secrets or concerns to unburden, they are the vaults you can lock them in. They are people of their word and act with such integrity even when no one is watching. These are the friends you can leave your life savings to and know it will be spent with unselfish motives and careful thought and decision.
"Let's Do It Friend"
Let’s Do It Friends are always down to have fun and take an adventure with you. They will climb a mountain with you, jump out a plane with you, race around tracks with you, and dance the night away with you. Let’s Do It friends are often perceived as wild and crazy and reckless, but they are none of those things, they simply live life to its fullest with confidence and joy.
"That Ain't Right Friend"
That Ain’t Right Friends act as your moral compass. They are not judgmental, however they’ll let you know if and when they think you’re doing or saying something wrong. They’re great accountability partners, holding you accountable for your actions and your words. Because they’re consistently looking out for you, they often see your blind spots and make you aware of the areas in which you’re dropping the ball. Although they don’t like to mince their words, they always speak the truth to you with love.
MY VILLAGE OF BLESSINGS
I love this one so much! It’s always good to get a reminder of who your friends are 🙂 You did a great job with this one my friend, and I can’t wait to see where the Lord will take you! Keep writing and keep believing because you are going to many many many places 🙂
Thanks Nay. I really appreciate your support. You’ve been a Rockstar friend from the beginning and I’m glad to have you in my life.🥰